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May my burden be your burden, and yours be mine...

If you need help or simply need to talk a challenging situation thru with someone, the Lifeline is here to help 24/7/365. The cost is free. The trained and highly skilled counselors offer confidential and supportive help and translators are available.

It might seem scary because you are talking to a stranger, but the Lifeline saves lives. You and your loved ones matter.


If you need help or simply need to talk a challenging situation thru with someone, the Lifeline is here to help 24/7/365. The cost is free. The trained and highly skilled counselors offer confidential and supportive help and translators are available.

It might seem scary because you are talking to a stranger, but the Lifeline saves lives. You and your loved ones matter.

This is a hard lesson for me. But, it’s an important one. I went to therapy today, I’ve missed a few sessions so I started out by profusely apologizing. Then, I spent the next 50 minutes talking without really taking a breath. I talked about my hospice training and my trip this weekend and how balanced I’ve felt lately and how I feel more in control and about my painting.

I didn’t talk about my friend dying two weeks ago or how it still doesn’t seem real, or how bored I am because I have no friends where I live, or how my baby triggers are up, or how one of my longest friendships has completely stopped…or how I was so tired I didn’t brush my teeth before coming to my appointment.


This is a hard lesson for me. But, it’s an important one. I went to therapy today, I’ve missed a few sessions so I started out by profusely apologizing. Then, I spent the next 50 minutes talking without really taking a breath. I talked about my hospice training and my trip this weekend and how balanced I’ve felt lately and how I feel more in control and about my painting.

I didn’t talk about my friend dying two weeks ago or how it still doesn’t seem real, or how bored I am because I have no friends where I live, or how my baby triggers are up, or how one of my longest friendships has completely stopped…or how I was so tired I didn’t brush my teeth before coming to my appointment.


http://shambhalasun.com/sunspace/how-to-meditate-jack-kornfield-on-developing-a-mind-like-sky/

Jack Kornfield, co-founder of Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, CA, writes about meditation and developing the wise mind…: )


Hello! Thank you so much to my new readers!! I very much appreciate you reading I Lost My 30’s…and choosing to follow!

I Lost My 30’s is filled with information on notable non-profits, suggested reading, an ECT FAQ section and much more.

Looking forward to hearing your story.

Jess


Hello! Thank you so much to my new readers!! I very much appreciate you reading I Lost My 30’s…and choosing to follow!

I Lost My 30’s is filled with information on notable non-profits, suggested reading, an ECT FAQ section and much more.

Looking forward to hearing your story.

Jess

I am a person who is not comfortable with change. I never have been and as I grow older, it seems to be getting worse.

And yet…my family is changing, friendships are changing, my career path has changed, even my cat Samson is changing. Loved ones are passing on and loved ones are being born. Relationships are changing. My thoughts about my depression are changing all the time. My thoughts about me being a “sick” person are changing. My treatment choices are changing. Medication options are changing all of the time. My mood has changed. My mood is changing. My wants and needs have changed. My doctor has changed. My body has changed. The lines on my face have changed. The way I process stress has changed. The way I express emotion has changed. The way I relate to people has changed. The type of people I want too relate to has changed.

I was inspried by a friend of mine, who posted a post just like this a few days ago so I made my timeline of change in relation to my depression and mental health.

It served as a good and solid reminder that we have little control over many, many things in life. It also served as a good reminder that in our most depressive periods, when we think we will never survive, or recover, or get out of the destructive canyon we have fallen into…life changes. And one day, whether it be a day or months or years, we are able to see a different way, or someone says something and we are able to hear it in a different way, or we are able to laugh at something we didn’t think so funny just moments before or cry about something that has been stuck inside us for years.

Life changes…so we change. We change…so life changes. Getting a hang of that is the hard part.

What is your timeline of change…


I am a person who is not comfortable with change. I never have been and as I grow older, it seems to be getting worse.

And yet…my family is changing, friendships are changing, my career path has changed, even my cat Samson is changing. Loved ones are passing on and loved ones are being born. Relationships are changing. My thoughts about my depression are changing all the time. My thoughts about me being a “sick” person are changing. My treatment choices are changing. Medication options are changing all of the time. My mood has changed. My mood is changing. My wants and needs have changed. My doctor has changed. My body has changed. The lines on my face have changed. The way I process stress has changed. The way I express emotion has changed. The way I relate to people has changed. The type of people I want too relate to has changed.

I was inspried by a friend of mine, who posted a post just like this a few days ago so I made my timeline of change in relation to my depression and mental health.

It served as a good and solid reminder that we have little control over many, many things in life. It also served as a good reminder that in our most depressive periods, when we think we will never survive, or recover, or get out of the destructive canyon we have fallen into…life changes. And one day, whether it be a day or months or years, we are able to see a different way, or someone says something and we are able to hear it in a different way, or we are able to laugh at something we didn’t think so funny just moments before or cry about something that has been stuck inside us for years.

Life changes…so we change. We change…so life changes. Getting a hang of that is the hard part.

What is your timeline of change…

Tonight, I had my first class of a six week hospice/vigil volunteer training program. I will be training to visit with terminally ill patients and also to sit with patients who are in the very last stages of life.

I’ve been thinking about doing this for months now…but wanted to be sure I was in a good place mentally.

We watched a film called Lessons From the Living…the documentary highlights a number of different hospice volunteers as they discuss their work with people who are dying.

The film is amazing. There was a rabbi, a shaman, an 18 y.o. young man, a hospice volunteer who is also a hospice patient herself…but the life (and death) observations they share are just incredible.

While I was watching the film, I had - for really, the first time - an overwhelming feeling of happiness that I made it through my last deep depressive period, the overdose and ECT…so now I can dedicate time to supporting others in their time of need.

Experiencing those feelings was unexpected/unanticipated. Since my overdose, I’ve often wondered why I never had a ‘come to Jesus’ moment of gratitude for being alive after my attempt. My therapist told me not everyone has one, in fact, many people who survive an attempt never experience those feelings at all.

It was good to have that experience though…and good to FEEL those feelings. And, that it happened just a week after my friend passed, makes me think she is definetly watching over me. : )


Tonight, I had my first class of a six week hospice/vigil volunteer training program. I will be training to visit with terminally ill patients and also to sit with patients who are in the very last stages of life. 

I’ve been thinking about doing this for months now…but wanted to be sure I was in a good place mentally.

We watched a film called Lessons From the Living…the documentary highlights a number of different hospice volunteers as they discuss their work with people who are dying. 

The film is amazing. There was a rabbi, a shaman, an 18 y.o. young man, a hospice volunteer who is also a hospice patient herself…but the life (and death) observations they share are just incredible.

While I was watching the film, I had - for really, the first time - an overwhelming feeling of happiness that I made it through my last deep depressive period, the overdose and ECT…so now I can dedicate time to supporting others in their time of need. 

Experiencing those feelings was unexpected/unanticipated. Since my overdose, I’ve often wondered why I never had a ‘come to Jesus’ moment of gratitude for being alive after my attempt. My therapist told me not everyone has one, in fact, many people who survive an attempt never experience those feelings at all.

It was good to have that experience though…and good to FEEL those feelings. And, that it happened just a week after my friend passed, makes me think she is definetly watching over me. : )

Art each day keeps the blues away….sort of : )))


Art each day keeps the blues away….sort of : )))



One of my dearest friends died unexpectedly last week. It has been a huge shock to everyone, friends, family, her longtime partner.

S and I have known one another for just about ten years, we met in a class and became dear friends, she was an ‘inner circle’ friend. Not only did we take class together every Tuesday night for, I think, four years…she was with me during many life-changing moments. S’s voice was the first I heard upon waking up after my overdose. The nurse held a phone to my ear and she said ‘I just called to say I love you.’

Just a few days before she passed, she asked if I’d paint a painting for her and her partner’s new home…she wanted a beautiful purple lady.
This painting is a start towards a bigger painting in honor of her life.

S was a bright and warm and loving woman. She never once said an unkind word about anyone. A few decades ago, she opened a bookstore, Boedacia’s Books, just outside of Berkeley. The store was a popular LGBT bookstore and profiled up and coming authors. It became a favorite community spot…and Suzanne made it possible with her acceptance, smile and love.

I hope she is swimming peacefully now…xxoo


One of my dearest friends died unexpectedly last week. It has been a huge shock to everyone, friends, family, her longtime partner.

S and I have known one another for just about ten years, we met in a class and became dear friends, she was an ‘inner circle’ friend. Not only did we take class together every Tuesday night for, I think, four years…she was with me during many life-changing moments. S’s voice was the first I heard upon waking up after my overdose. The nurse held a phone to my ear and she said ‘I just called to say I love you.’

Just a few days before she passed, she asked if I’d paint a painting for her and her partner’s new home…she wanted a beautiful purple lady. 
This painting is a start towards a bigger painting in honor of her life.

S was a bright and warm and loving woman. She never once said an unkind word about anyone. A few decades ago, she opened a bookstore, Boedacia’s Books, just outside of Berkeley. The store was a popular LGBT bookstore and profiled up and coming authors. It became a favorite community spot…and Suzanne made it possible with her acceptance,  smile and love. 

I hope she is swimming peacefully now…xxoo

Many thanks to my new readers…and to you and you…and you and you…and you and you and you….and you…: )

I appreciate you all so much for taking time to read I Lost My 30’s!!

Jess


Many thanks to my new readers…and to you and you…and you and you…and you and you and you….and you…: )

I appreciate you all so much for taking time to read I Lost My 30’s!!

Jess



Having a very hard time tonight (at 4:15 in the morning) with this valuable lesson…


Having a very hard time tonight (at 4:15 in the morning) with this valuable lesson…

Wise, wise, wise…

(Source: sunflower-lovechild, via cherishkay)


Wise, wise, wise…

Confidential and compassionate support is available through the Lifeline…24/7/365. You do not need to be in immediate crisis to call.

Just one call could get you or a loved one support through a difficult moment.


Confidential and compassionate support is available through the Lifeline…24/7/365. You do not need to be in immediate crisis to call.

Just one call could get you or a loved one support through a difficult moment.

Warmest of welcomes to I Lost My 30’s new readers!!! Thank you so much for visiting and for deciding to stay : ), and thank you so much to all of you who have followed I Lost My 30’s along the way : )

: ))))
Jess


Warmest of welcomes to I Lost My 30’s new readers!!! Thank you so much for visiting and for deciding to stay : ), and thank you so much to all of you who have followed I Lost My 30’s along the way : )

: ))))
Jess